Healthy boundries man… Healthy boundries is so FRIGGN important for anxiety. When you are suffering & suffering bad this is when you need to put boundries in place in many areas including with people.
I’ve had loved ones closest to me over the years suck from my emotion tap and it took me far too long to realise that I had to distance myself from said peeps. But when I came to some clarity in my anxiety journey I started to purposely withdrawal from certain loved ones, It was hard, and at the time I didn’t even know I was placing a healthy boundry up, and because of this unexplained thing I was doing – it actually caused rifts with my loved ones or created unresolved issues because I couldn’t exactly say … “I just don’t want to fuckn be around you right now” and at the time a very naive Jade had no idea about boundries soooo I was stuck in a rock and a hard place causing one unhappy person
But you seeeee the thing is, even when telling your loved ones that you are placing up a healthy boundry and just taking a step back for a breather or not wanting to have anything to do with them at all, chances are you ain’t going to get a warm reaction anyway so your really damned if you do and damned if you dont and while we’re at it you wanna know something else? That ain’t your fuckn problem. Your your problem and getting through your life with as much ease and happiness as possible is your problem!
Right then, get ya tea & biscuits and let’s look at some ways to get nice and cozy with setting healthy boundries.
- Recognise and name your limits be honest too, seriously. Always tune into what you can handle and what gives you those anxious vibes or stressed AF
- Feel all your feels – tune inward, this will help to identify your triggers and from here you will be able to work out exactly what boundries you need to put in place and for who. Tuning in on how a situation or person has made you feel during an interaction will allow you to see the red flags that you would otherwise ignore out of duty. If your discomfort is on the higher scale during these situations then get working on some boundries.
- Start small, practice boundry setting in small areas before moving onto bigger areas like loved ones, these can be things like the exit strategies you put in place during an argument when you can see it turning toxic or triggering OR placing small boundries around how much your family members turn to you for each and every one of their needs when your anxiety is at its peak. Start small and get the feel for it, become super snuggly with boundry setting before moving onto putting boundries in place around loved ones or friends. You can thank me later for this one.
- Give yourself permission to set boundries and to preserve them. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel guilty. Do Not Feel Fucken Guilty. Damn man it’s ok to say NO.
- Be direct, this is about you so be assertive, you may not always get a happy go ahead from those that you are putting boundries in place for so make sure you stick to those guns and remain assertive in your process, remember you didn’t create this upset for nothing so be direct and stay in your lane. You’ve got this!
- Practice self-awareness everyday, self reflection is key. When you become more self aware you will also recognise some negative behaviours of your own that your anxiety can keep you blind too … Now don’t go over analysing any behaviours you come up with as quite often these are reactions from some random root cause so looking inward and working out what they are and placing emotional barriers up will help working on yourself at the same time. Also self awareness will be your BFF when you feel yourself slipping on those boundries… re-access some stuff by asking yourself “what am I or the other person doing that’s not respecting the boundries?” Or “what am I going to do to reign this in and put my boundries firmly back in place?”
- Consider your past and present and how loved ones view your role in their life. You are in no way obligated to take on anyone’s feelings or to fix everyone else’s problems OK! And let’s be real you never were obligated to do so. Sometimes we are given roles within our family unit as children and that mentality follows us through to adulthood, for example if you were the caretaker of the family chances are you are used to tuning into everyone elses needs above your own and draining yourself and chances are highly bloody likely as adults your siblings and/or parents, friends, the guy at the gas station … Every fucker it seems still comes to you with all of their problems waiting for you to help fix them all. Common man.. NO your no longer obligated to. Put boundries in place to preserve your energy for all the fucks you need to give to the things that matter most to YOU.
- Remember self care is a priority, give yourself permission to put your sweet self first because when you do this comes this sublime shift where the motivation to keep boundries in places gets strong AF because the blissfulness is addictive. Are you a mumma? Sis you can’t be the best mumma to those kids if you ain’t the best version of yourself… Self care babes. Are you a devoted husband? Can you be though if you ain’t taking care of yourself first… Self care bruh. Are you running some sweet arse Enterprise and have a whole team looking at you like “Lady, you got us huh, your sweet to bring your a game to keep those paychecks rolling in?” Well are you? Yes ma’am Self Care will see you in the right direction.
- Always seek support from those that practice boundry setting, kind of like an accountability buddy. These people are like magic… Experts and live in this untouchable bubble.. well kinda, the thought was nice for second. BUT have someone that will keep you on track when it feels like you are fighting some losing battle because you aren’t sweets. In time become that for someone else or your accountability buddy as they will also face new personalities that challenge their boundries and could do with some support. We always support those that are a big part of our growth journey, please they are so vital.
- Learn and grow from the takeaway, removing the toxic will bring a new sense of calmness which may be foreign at first, learn to love the calmness. By practising boundry setting will increase the quality of your relationships even if it is Rocky road to begin with, you will find a new sense of self esteem, and have overall more control of your life and anxiety by being more aware of your blindside’s and weeding out the toxic personalities or energy vampires. Enjoy yourself again and the time you spend with loved ones.
It wasn’t until I started trigger tracking that I discovered healthy boundries and how to create them and ease them into my life. I swear by journalling and trigger tracking as this has been an amazing step into discovering my anxiety and how to work around it, put things in place to ensure I’m comfortable and as anxiety free as possible. But right now I want to hear from you, your experiences, your tips, your questions ha! Everything and anything related to boundry setting, let’s chat about it.
As always, sending love and mint vibes to your way xx – Jade
Pic is a Regram from @rebuke_the_abuse. Art is a accurate AF piece from @mimimoffie